Am I still a writer...?

Writing is something I've done, on and off (sometimes off for years) since I was a child. I really started to take it seriously in my thirties, writing poetry for a few years before embarking on my first serious attempt at a novel once I'd turned 40. This novel eventually became my third-to-be-published novel, The Road to California.

I was over the moon in 2012 when my second attempted novel, Mrs Sinclair's Suitcase, found an agent and a few months later, a book deal. I was never sure it would happen, and when it did it was like a dream. The novel was published in the UK by Hodder in 2014. When the novel got accepted in the US by Amy Einhorn at Putnam's, in a pre-empt, many other deals flooded in. I think my novel got fifteen foreign language deals in the end. I was beginning to believe in my work and my talent as an author. I was invited out to posh London lunch dates to meet publishing people and it was all very exciting.

Then it all went a bit wrong. My novel was "orphaned" at Putnam's because Amy Einhorn left for another publisher. It happens rather a lot in publishing, and it's nobody's fault. But nobody else at Putnam's was into my novel, as far as I could tell, and months later I discovered (by myself, because nobody told me) that there wouldn't be a paperback in the US. My second novel had also been turned down by "my" UK publisher, who was no longer "mine" due to the fact I had a one-book deal and the second novel I wrote was not what they wanted. Again, this is not unusual in publishing.

But I was lost, for a while, the rug pulled from under my feet and left feeling abandoned, disillusioned, and bitterly disappointed. I didn't hold back from talking about my experiences in public and soon found other writers with similar tales to tell. Luckily I still believed in my second novel, and in 2017 I self-published A Life Between Us. It did quite well considering my limited experience of publishing. I then decided to set up as an indie press and I ended up publishing seven other authors between 2018 and 2022. I also published via my company my own third novel, the aforementioned The Road to California, in 2018.

Publishing is an extremely expensive and risky business, and I knew I needed to make money to help finance it, so I used up all my savings (every last penny) and I started to take on editing work. I am still happily working with Jericho Writers after nine years, and I am also now one of the editors on Reedsy. The work is fabulous, and I feel very grateful to be able to work from home and be my own boss. I wrote and self-published my fourth novel The Hermit in 2022, and my fifth novel We Are Family in 2024.

I have offered all four of my self-published novels to the publishing industry but none were wanted. This isn't because my novels are badly written... and yes, I've been tempted to submit under a fake name and e-mail to see if my writing might fare any better. I suspect it would, but I take a professional approach and I haven't given in to this temptation... yet...

Working as an editor makes you a better writer than just about anything else. I'm aware of all the errors and the pitfalls, and I take great pains to avoid them in my work. I am a better writer now than I've ever been. The reason I don't get anywhere is because publishing wants the young, the new, the debut, the middle-class, and the meek: Writers Who Don't Talk About the Failings of the Publishing Industry. I'm none of those things, particularly the debut writer, and due to my first trade-published novel and my four self-published novels, I can never be dressed up as a debut, which is the first thing any writer needs to be if they have any reasonable hope of being published.

So, getting back to my question, am I still a writer...? YES. Of course I am, and I'm a good one, because I know what I'm doing on the page and I know what makes for a cracking read and what doesn't. What I lack is industry cheerleaders (agent + publisher) so I'm stuck in the no-man's-land of self-publishing literary and upmarket commercial fiction. There are few sales (partly due to marketing fatigue which has set in bad) and partly because literary fiction does not perform that well when self-published.

But I am a writer, a good one, and I'm thinking long term. I'm currently working with a designer to transform how my four self-published books look. My plan is to come up with a great branded design which will adorn and define my books for as long as they are published, which will hopefully continue beyond my eventual demise so my kids and their kids can benefit from any sales. I also plan to ensure my kids can take over the publishing of these books, which means ensuring access to all the files and to essential accounts such as my Amazon KDP account. I'm taking a professional and methodical approach, as I always have, and I'm not going to be defeated or diminished by the disappointments I've experienced over the last fourteen years. I have a literary legacy, and it's mine, all mine, and it (mostly) does not rely on the publishing industry. There is a quiet sort of comfort in that. I Am A Writer.

My sixth novel is coming along slowly and quietly, and I'm excited about it in a muted way. I have of course approached a few agents but seriously, what is the point in doing that anymore? I know my own worth, and this new novel is going to be pretty damn good, and in order to maintain my confidence and faith in my own ability, I can't keep affording others the opportunity to say "no". The word "no" is no longer part of my creative vocabulary. It can't be. It saps and exhausts most writers, but it is especially damaging to those of us who know we are professional and publishable. It happened once, and I'm the same writer, ever-improving with each novel I write. Nobody gets to say "no" or even "yes" to my work anymore. It's the only way I'm going to stay sane.

I'll be back soon with book reviews which I am very behind on. I've read some absolute corkers in recent months. And look out for the first of the revamped cover reveals in a few months' time... we are starting with A Life Between Us...

Louise x